Exploring Identity: Therapy for Self-Discovery and Acceptance
By Katherine [Katu] Medina-Pineda, MHC-LP
White supremacy has corrupted the world, fueling in all of us a desire to police ourselves and others by an impossible standard of who we should be—smarter, thinner, more successful, more likable. With all this pressure, it’s no wonder so many people struggle with accepting themselves as they are, especially when our survival within the system depends on this kind of self-loathing. As Octavia Butler said, there is no magic bullet, however, therapy can become one kind of solution; it can be a space in which a person can intentionally reflect and imagine a different world that breaks out of that cycle. Beyond addressing stress, anxiety, or depression, therapy is also a powerful tool for self-discovery and self-acceptance.
Why Self-Acceptance Matters
At its core, self-acceptance means embracing all of yourself as neutrally as possible. You are neither a good or a bad person, you are a person who sometimes makes decisions that have a good impact on you and your environment and sometimes make decisions that have an adverse impact on yourself and others. It doesn’t mean ignoring flaws or giving up on growth. Instead, it’s about recognizing that you’re worthy just as you are, regardless of mistakes, setbacks, or what others think.
Studies show that people with higher levels of self-acceptance are more resilient to life’s curveballs. For example, a 2016 Serbian study found that individuals who practiced unconditional self-acceptance (accepting themselves no matter what), a practice stemming from Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), were less likely to experience intense anxiety or depression when faced with criticism or rejection. That kind of inner stability is like having an emotional safety net—you bounce back faster because your sense of worth isn’t tied to outside approval.
Therapy as a Space for Self-Discovery
One of the most powerful things therapy offers is a safe space to explore who you are beneath the noise of expectations. Through conversations, guided exercises, or creative outlets, therapy helps you uncover parts of yourself you may have ignored or buried. Therapy is like holding up a mirror, but instead of judging what you see, you’re guided to understand it.
For instance, a study conducted in Guangdong, China and published in 2021 found that group paint therapy sessions helped college students open up emotionally, reflect on their experiences, and, ultimately, increase their levels of self-acceptance. When you put your inner world onto paper—literally—you see yourself in new ways. This process makes it easier to understand your feelings, values, and even the parts of yourself you’ve been hiding.
Transforming Your Relationship With Harsh Self-Criticism
I think what most people often experience as a singular, individual (and thus, isolating) quality or trait is having an inner critic and judge, however, most of us have internalized critique and judgment in order to anticipate and prepare for potentially hurtful or unsafe situations. Most of us have parts of ourselves that will come up and say things like I did that wrong or they must think [insert painful belief] about me when we are faced with the anticipation of something scary and uncomfortable, or while we ruminate or look back on past experiences wishing we could change them. Depending on the style of therapy (and the style of the therapist), therapy can be a space in which you re-discover your relationships with the critic and judge so that in place of black-and-white thinking and perfectionism, you can have a nuanced, compassionate, and loving relationship with yourself that centers around yours and our collective humanity.
A 2016 study conducted in Romania showed that self-acceptance is closely linked to healthier, more rational thinking. People who accept themselves unconditionally are less likely to buy into rigid or self-destructive beliefs like “I must be perfect” or “I’m worthless if I fail.” Instead, they can see mistakes as part of the human experience—not a verdict on their value. Imagine how freeing it would feel to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend. That’s exactly what therapy teaches you to do.
Self-Acceptance As An Ongoing Journey
This is probably the hardest pill to swallow about therapy and self-acceptance: unfortunately, it is not a one-and-done achievement. It’s a lifelong practice. Even with therapy, you’ll face new challenges that test how you see yourself. But the difference is, you’ll have the tools to respond with compassion instead of criticism.
Over time, therapy can help you:
See yourself more clearly in all your beautiful complexity
Let go of the need for constant approval
Build resilience to manage the distress that may show up as anxiety, depression, and stress
Live more authentically and confidently.
Conclusion
Therapy isn’t about “fixing problems” or “curing illness”—it’s about discovering yourself and learning to accept that person fully. Whether through talk therapy, creative outlets like art, or approaches like REBT, the goal is the same: to help you understand yourself better and treat yourself with unconditional acceptance.
A fellow alum from undergrad tagged a commuter MTA train with a statement that I come back to often: In a world that profits off your self-hatred, loving yourself is a radical act. To that, I will also add, a person who knows themselves and accepts themselves is ungovernable in white supremacy.
Sources
Călin, M. F., & Tasențe, T. (2022). Self-acceptance in today's young people. Technium Social Sciences Journal, 38, 367–379. https://ssrn.com/abstract=4304622
Popov, S., Radanović, J., & Biro, M. (2016). Unconditional self-acceptance and mental health in ego-provoking experimental context. Suvremena Psihologija, 19(1), 71–80. https://doi.org/10.21465/2016-SP-191-06
Serbian self-acceptance
Qiu-Qiang, Z., Wen-Jun, L., Wan-Yi, F., & Qi-Zhe, Z. (2021). College Students’ Self-Acceptance: A Paint Therapy Group Counseling Intervention. Scientific Programming, 2021. https://doi.org/10.1155/2021/5180607