Navigating Mother’s Day as A Single Parent

Katherine Medina-Pineda, MHC-LP

Parenting, at its core, is one of the hardest roles a person can take on. Despite one’s hopes or beliefs about achieving the best parenting techniques, child rearing is unpredictable and requires a healthy supply of patience, flexibility, and quick problem-solving- to name a few things. Single parenting is uniquely tricky in that one person (depending on the levels of community support they may have) has to become every single component of what is usually a team project.

It makes sense that holidays such as Mother’s Day are bittersweet, complex, and possibly downright uncomfortable. While it’s meant to be a day dedicated to the appreciation and celebration of one parent by the rest of the family, for single parents it is seldom celebrated in that way. When there's no partner to help the kids plan surprises or to offer heartfelt thanks, the day can feel more like any other—except with higher emotional stakes. This time can stir up unpleasant emotions such as exhaustion, loneliness, or disappointment. 

However, that doesn’t mean Mother’s Day as a single parent can’t be meaningful and filled with celebration. Compassion, flexibility, and imagination are our friends! Here are some helpful suggestions to consider and redefine your own relationship with the holiday as a single parent:

1. Let go of the “Mother’s Day” Script

Release yourself from perfectionist expectations. We live in a society in which we internalize pressure to assimilate and be homogenous. There are no two parents having the same experience of the day and it is not a personal failure that anyone’s Mother’s Day is more nuanced and messy than the perfect days depicted in Hallmark movies and sitcoms. If you find yourself comparing your day to a social media highlight reel, I offer instead taking a moment to breathe and take in your own experience: the good, the uncomfortable, and the uncertain, and thank yourself for all of it. Your value as a parent is not defined by how Mother’s Day unfolds or whether you celebrated in a socially acceptable way. Give yourself permission to let the day be what it is. Whether it’s quiet, chaotic, joyful, or messy– it’s yours.

2. Celebrate Yourself

One of the most radical acts a single parent can take on Mother’s Day is to celebrate themselves intentionally and unapologetically. That might mean buying yourself flowers, ordering your favorite meal, or reaching out to your support system to relieve caretaking and focus on yourself for a moment of the day. Offering yourself time to reflect on all that you do for your family without any caveats that get in the way of self-compassion. 

3. Reach Out to Your Support System

This day can look like anything you can possibly imagine! Do you want to spend it with friends, family, fellow single parents and their children? Do you want to plan a collective or solitary activity for part of the day? I’m a big fan of intentionally planning one community activity in a way that is equitable to celebrate yourself and the people around you, however, planning a solo moment might be just what you need.

4. Get the Kids Involved in Simple Ways

If your children are old enough, involve them in celebrating with you—even in small, age-appropriate ways. Kids often want to do something special, but may not know how or feel unsure without guidance. You might gently suggest they draw a picture, write a note, or help make a simple breakfast. It’s okay to lead a little; teaching them how to show appreciation is a life skill in itself. If they are too young to be involved, don’t hesitate to create your own moment. Take a photo, write a letter to yourself, or start a new tradition. Those beautiful, soft moments will be all meaningful to look back on for years to come.

5. Give Yourself Grace

It’s okay if the day doesn’t feel magical. It’s okay to experience pain, grief, frustration, and other unpleasant and uncomfortable emotions. Greet yourself in your entirety with love and compassion, trying to soften any judgement that may surface with curiosity and gratitude. You’re doing something incredibly hard, and mixed feelings are an appropriate response to a complicated and layered human experience.

Conclusion

As a single parent, Mother’s Day is going to look uniquely distinct from many of our expectations for this holiday. Finding a way to celebrate may be challenging and bring about many uncomfortable and unpleasant emotions. It is helpful to, as much as possible, show oneself compassion, flexibility, and curiosity while navigating a holiday and celebration that may reflect the complexity of being multiple different types of caregiver to one’s children. Sometimes, the best we can do is all we can do, and it’s okay that the reality and expectations do not match.

Sources:

Hayimpinson. (2024, July 9). 12 Single Parent Mental Health Statistics: Understanding the Challenges and Solutions Brooklyn, NY. Crown Counseling.

Holland, A. (2024, March 10). Tips for newly single parents on Mother’s Day — Single Parents Wellbeing. Single Parents Wellbeing.