Leaning Into Change
Katherine [Katu] Medina-Pineda, MHC-LP
Change is such a layered word. It is inevitable- whether for the better or for worse- and even when it is hoped for, desired, and worked towards, the disruption from what is known and predictable can leave us feeling paralyzed, reticent, and downright stubborn. But if change is so natural and a given, why do we have such a hard time with it?
Neuroscience of Change
Despite the challenges of change, human beings are equipped first and foremost to survive. We are also open systems, which means we are constantly flowing between internal and external stimuli (inner, thoughtful world versus external, observable world). Our amygdala- the part of the brain that processes emotions- is a key part of our “lizard brain” aka the first and oldest part. It is one of the parts of our autonomic nervous system and controls functions such as breathing, digestion, sleep-wake cycles, and balance. Even when we intellectually understand that change is necessary, such as leaving an abusive relationship or leaving a toxic and exploitative workplace, our emotions are the ones that ultimately inform us and our decision-making.
It makes sense for change to be difficult when it can bring about intense unpleasant emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, and uncertainty and for us to avoid those emotions at all cost- especially if we were not modeled how to care for said emotions compassionately and non-judgmentally. Since change happens internally as well as externally: it does not only affect the individual who is ready to act on change, it will also affect their environment. Of course no change is better than change to protect us from experiencing unpleasant emotions and from the consequences of changing: for the person who drinks too much who decides to make new friends with other sober individuals as their old friends encourage them to return to the embrace of the familiar; as much as for the person who is forced into change with eviction proceedings started by a greedy and socially disconnected landlord. The problem with change is that, in the in-between space, we need to have faith that we will land in a hopeful better place while having no way to guarantee this for ourselves.
Intersectionality
When we contextualize external systems such as white supremacy, anti-Blackness, ableism, and capitalism into the mix of change, it further clarifies why it is so hard to move through it. White supremacy requires us to buy into binary rigidity while the nature of change requires us to embrace the transition with nuance and compassion. The systems the colonizers created place us in a lopsided hierarchy that tries to inform us of our individual self-worth by conflating it as one and the same with our worth to the system itself. As I mentioned earlier, change requires us to be emotionally attuned and feeling safe enough to enter the amorphous space of transition toward an uncertain future, and our internalized white supremacy definitely informs our individual relationship to change.
For example, growing up, I remember my parents vehemently preaching the importance of having the right appearance. To them, it meant dressing like an upper-middle-class white woman from New England: no tattoos or piercings, no flamboyant hair colors, ironed clothing with no holes or stains or visible wear. To them, these visible markers would help me be perceived as intelligent, hard-working, professional, and respectful. To do the opposite of what they preached was a waking nightmare– it meant that the world would judge me accordingly as unintelligent, lazy, chaotic, and possibly even devious. Assimilation is how my dad helped his family move from dirt floors to home ownership in the 80s. And while that change was for the better, there was also anger and resentment brewing inside: that in order to have resources as a poor man in the settler state of Honduras, he was going to have to become an enforcer of white supremacy in our home at the expense of having true relationships with my sister and I.
Now, we see how the current presidential administration of this empire has manufactured consent to abduct pro-Palestine student activists and send them to a concentration camp in El Salvador by first targeting the people who, in the eyes of the system, had the wrong appearance: brown-skinned people, some with tattoos, hijabs, and piercings; under the assumption that the appearance was an indicator of their deviousness. While as a teenager I believed my parents to be archaic and rigid, as an adult, I can see how my parents were, in fact, extremely aware that the world was lopsided and not in their favor, and that the only acceptable change was that which the system deemed appropriate (buy a home, get a better paying job, get heterosexually married). Internalized white supremacy dictates that there is enough proximity to whiteness minoritized people can perform to secure our own safety and that aspiring toward change outside of the confines of what white supremacy deems correct is a threat (from decorating our own bodies in ways that feel powerful and affirming to protesting genocide).
Conclusion
In "Parable of the Sower”, Octavia Butler wrote “All that you touch, you Change. All that you Change, Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change. God is Change”. Our main character, 16-year-old Lauren Olamida, invites us to reimagine our relationship to change and our relationship with omniscient power: that perhaps our mere existence in this world is powerful and change is not imposed on us, but rather, that as open systems, we are in a constant state of change. What would your life be like if instead of fearing the unknown, you imagined it for the better? What would your relationship to the world be like if you believed yourself to be powerful and worthy? What if you give yourself permission to do the thing scared/uncertain because curiosity is an ancestral message inviting us to continue resisting oppression?
Sources:
Boschi, H. (n.d.). The Neuroscience of Change: Why Changing Course is Painful for the Brain. Welldoing.com. https://welldoing.org/article/the-neuroscience-change-why-changing-course-painful-for-brain
Florko, L. (2022, April 22). Why change is hard. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-planet-profits/202204/why-change-is-hard